Shaken, not Stirred !!

It was shocking to hear about the earthquake in Nepal last month. It was a sad sight, seeing the destruction caused in the beautiful city of Kathmandu and surrounding areas. It was commendable of India’s PM Mr. Narendra Modi to send in the Indian Army and Air-Force for rescue missions. Nepal right now needs all the help it can get. My thoughts and prayers go out to Nepali citizens and those in India affected by the quake. I pray to God to give them the strength to overcome the adversity and wish them a speedy recovery.

Hearing about the quake in Nepal brings me memories of an Earthquake I experienced fifteen years back: a quake which was similar in intensity to the Himalayan Quake but caused far more damage. I still remember the day as vividly as if it happened yesterday.

It was the 26^th of January 2001. The time on the clock read 8:30 AM (or near around that). The people of the state of Gujarat along with the rest of India were slowly rousing themselves from deep slumber to celebrate the nation’s 51^st Republic day, unaware of the cataclysmic chain of events which were to occur. I was in my hometown Vadodara (also known as Baroda) in Gujarat, spending a well-earned break in-between my hectic college schedule with family and friends. My house had small room on the terrace where I was sleeping at that time. I was snoring away blissfully on the bed, wandering in ZZZ land, totally unprepared for what was to come. I must have shifted my position as the bed shook a little. The bed always shook whenever I shifted position during sleep due to shifting of weight: so my conscious mind took no notice and I continued sleeping. But my subconscious mind was active and noticed that the bed was still shaking long after I had shifted position. It must have flashed an alert-signal to my brain which flashed a warning message to me. 

The bed continued shaking and despite the deep sleep was in I instinctively knew that something was wrong. And then in an instant, the mists cleared and I knew that there was only one possible explanation for the continued bed shaking.

EARTHQUAKE!!

My mother’s high pitched shout from below confirmed my suspicions. Needing no further prompting, I shook off all remaining traces of sleep and ran for what I was worth towards the steps. The house was shaking so violently that I seriously doubted whether I would make it in time downstairs before the entire structure collapsed. But then, just as I reached the stairs the tremors subsided and everything became still again. I rushed down to the street where my family members were waiting anxiously. The entire neighborhood was out on the street. There was a lot of confusion and people were chattering animatedly. Many people like me, had experienced a quake for the first time and were still reeling under the effects. Then we all gathered our wits and started joking and laughing about the affair, just to calm our frayed nerves. After spending sometime outside, we all returned to our houses. We were all shaken by the affair despite the face of calm we projected outwards. We switched on our TV sets to catch the early morning news. It was then that the full extent of damage caused by the quake came to light all across Gujarat. Vadodara was among the fortunate cities which was least effected. There were a few cracks in some buildings and some poles and trees had been uprooted here and there, but apart from that there was no major damage to the city.

We were busy the rest of the morning answering calls from concerned relatives and friends and assuring them of our safety. The entire day, news bulletins ran continuously round the clock showing images of buildings torn to dust and rescue workers prying out trapped people from the debris. Death and destruction were everywhere. Bhuj and its surrounding areas in the Kutch district were near the epicentre of the quake and were totally decimated. Other cities in Gujarat too bore the brunt of nature’s fury. But the damage was most widespread in Ahmedabad, Gujarat’s commercial capital. A day which was to be a national celebration turned out to be a day of tragedy and mourning. The newspapers were filled with heart-rending stories of tragedy and harrowing survivor accounts. Many people including me had experienced nature’s fury live for the first time and were totally shaken by the experience. It’s one thing to read about such incidents in the paper or hear it in the news. But to experience it first hand is a totally different experience; one that will stay with you for a long time.

But even after the darkest hour comes the dawn. Slowly but steadily, Gujarat limped back to normalcy after the damage and destruction thanks to the never say die spirit of the Gujarati people, though many people still carry psychological scars till date. I myself could not sleep soundly for an entire week. The city of Bhuj was rebuilt. People went about their daily lives and the state of Gujarat once again gained its position as the vibrant economic powerhouse of India.

There are three vital lessons I learnt from the incident.

The first lesson I learnt was that life is unpredictable. There is no telling what fate has in store for you tomorrow; if tomorrow ever comes, that is. J So don’t leave any stone unturned. Achieve whatever you want to achieve before the lights go out for the final time. Live fully with no regrets and worries and don’t take life so seriously. It’s not like you are going to get out alive anyway. J

The second lesson is one which we should all take seriously. There are impromptu fire drills conducted once every 2-3 months in our office premises. These drills emphasize on how we should react whenever there is an emergency, natural or artificial.  It’s a sad fact that many of us take these exercises very lightly. We treat them as a joke and an opportunity to get away from the work station for some time. But God forbid if an emergency really occurs, then many of us will have then wished that we had paid more attention to the lectures. In reality, you do not have more than a fraction of a second to think and your actions make all the difference between life and death.

The third and the most important lesson is this: No matter how much man progresses, no matter how tall and strong he builds his buildings, no matter how powerful he builds his vehicles; all his ingenuity and resourcefulness are no match for the vagaries of nature. After all, it took no more than a single Iceberg to destroy the Titanic, easily one of the biggest and most powerful ships of her time. A few tremors caused unprecedented death and destruction across Gujarat in 2001 and Nepal in 2015. Therefore, whatever man does must always be in harmony with nature. Sometimes, due to greed and oversight, man pushes the limits of her boundaries. But one day she will return with a vengeance and claim what is rightfully hers.

-          

  - -  Srinivas Pavan Addanki

The Great Indian marriage dilemma

‘The only thing constant in life is change’ goes the popular saying. Indeed, life always presents us with situations where we have to make decisions. These decisions have the potential to change our life either inconsequentially or in a big way. Marriage is one of them. Indeed, given the potential marriage can be a life altering change; a change which will either take you to new heights or plunge you into unknown depths of despair.

A few years back, I was working as a technical lead for a project belonging to a reputed Australian Banking account in a multinational IT company. One day it so happened that a delegation from the client side paid us a visit. After the perfunctory meetings and presentations, lunch was arranged. Being a senior resource and having considerable experience in the project, I was one of the lucky few among-st the senior management chosen to host the delegation for lunch. So we all went to this classy restaurant where a huge table was arranged for us. Seated just opposite to me was a high level director from the Bank and next to me was a colleague, also a senior member of the project. We were nervous and hesitant to begin with, seated in close proximity to such a big-shot. But to his credit, our visitor was very genial and put us at ease right from the start. We soon started conversing about various topics. During the course of our conversation my colleague revealed that his marriage was fixed and wedding bells were due the coming month. 

Our visitor was all smiles and congratulated him. “Hearty Congrats Mate!”, he said happily. “So wedding bells ringing for you next month eh?? Who’s the lucky girl, if you don’t mind me asking?”

My Colleague replied, “Oh not at all! She is working as an engineer in a software company in Bangalore.”

“That’s great!”, the Client said and continued “So it must be a great feeling, marrying your sweetheart.”

My Colleague, a bit traditional and orthodox in nature blushed a bit and replied, “It’s actually an arranged marriage.”

“Hmm …. of course a marriage has to be ‘arranged’ doesn’t it? Can’t just wake up one day and marry someone on the spur of the moment can you?” our visitor said jovially, in between spoonfuls of tomato soup.

“Oh no, it’s not like that.”, my colleague replied, blushing even deeper now. “My parents have met her parents and they approved the alliance.”

“If your parents like the girl, that’s even better. To think what a tough time I had convincing my prospective father in law when I wanted to marry my girlfriend! ”, our visitor said. He was not getting the picture at all.

Hitherto a mute witness to the conversation, I decided to pitch in. “What he means to say is that this marriage is fixed by his parents and not initiated by him.”, I said.

At first our visitor looked at me with a puzzled expression and then the truth dawned upon him. He almost dropped the soup-spoon in the bowl. “Really mate?”, he exclaimed wide eyed with surprise. “You’re telling me that you’re marrying this girl whom you haven’t met before?”, he asked my colleague incredulously.

My Colleague nodded his head sheepishly.

Seeing the bewildered expression on our visitors’ face, I proceeded to explain to him the entire mechanics of the Indian Marriage Machinery, right from start to finish. It went something like this:

• Boy / girl both come of ‘suitable’ age
• Boy is ‘settled’ in career and draws a good salary.
• Girl has completed education and preferably is also working.
• Parents take a call and decide to search for an alliance for their child
• Boy / girl’s profile is set up in various matrimonial sites.
• Word is spread in the market and among friends and relatives to search for a suitable match
• Parents start searching for profiles and evaluate proposals received by them (Search criterias are a bit dicey for example 'A blend of traditional and modern values'  - but I will cover that later).
• After ‘n’ number of screenings and rejections, parents zoom across a suitable profile (There are a lot of ifs and buts to judge suitability, but I will cover that later) and contact the persons mentioned in it for taking the matter forward
• Boy / Girl throw a spanner in the works by revealing about an affair which they have kept secret till now.
• Flustered parents either bend to their children’s will or oppose it.
• If the latter holds true then boy/girl elope and marry secretly.
• If the above three points are not true then the search continues.
• Broad minded parents will show the profiles of the people selected to their sons / daughters for their approval before proceeding further, the others don’t.
• Then phone calls take place. Parents speak to the boy / girl’s parents and speak to the boy / girl themselves in some cases and proceed further if satisfied.
• Then come the meetings. Parents arrange for a meeting between the boy and the girl with themselves in close proximity. Boys’ parents have a chance to see the girl and vice-versa.
• Girl’s father eyes the boy sternly and evaluates his career prospects and gauges the boy’s confidence in general.
• Boy’s parents evaluate the girl for her homeliness and nature.
• Broad minded and considerate parents arrange for the boy and girl to chat in private. The others don’t.
• Like SRK’s seventy minutes in ‘Chak De’, the boy / girl have a similar period of time or lesser to chat and evaluate whether he/she is the perfect soul-mate.
• A lot of questions are asked in that limited window of time and most of the time the boy / girl cannot reach a conclusion. A few extra meetings are arranged.
• If the answer is negative from any / both parties then like a programming go-to loop, the search starts all over again.
• If the answer is in the positive from both parties (usually the yes/no comes from their parents) then parents consult the family astrologer, compare horoscopes and find a suitable date for marriage.
• Invitations are printed and sent across to all and sundry.
• Preparations start in earnest and wedding shopping starts.
• Some parties hold a small engagement ceremony while others don’t.
• Girl’s father searches for suitable venues.
• Date of marriage happens to be a very auspicious date and nearly all marriage halls are booked.
• After a lot of running around, the girl’s father finally happens to find a venue and books it.
• Marriage date approaches and the relatives start pouring in.
• Finally D-day arrives and the marriage takes place a midst great pomp and ceremony.

And so I concluded. Our client was a good listener and drank in all that I said.

“Aaah!”, he said after I had finished, his face showing comprehension. But it was a very deep and guttural ‘Aaah’. I guessed his mind must have been in a kind of a tizzy digesting this piece of information.

“And the girl? I guess, she should be fine with it too.”, he asked my colleague after recovering a bit.

“Oh yes, of course!", my colleague replied. "Her parents have approved and so she is fine.”

Again our visitor replied with an ‘Aaah’, this one deeper than the last. I guessed he must have felt some sort of pity for the girl.

“That’s cool.”, he replied at length and I thought he wouldn’t discuss this topic further. But I guess his curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't resist asking my colleague another question.

“Err …. So have you spoken to her then? You know … about compatibility issues and all that.”

“We have shown our Jaatakams to the astrologer. It is a good match. There are nineteen points matching for both of us.”, my colleague replied confidently.

My client looked at me with an expression akin to a man who was drowning in the sea and begging me to throw a line. I couldn’t blame him.

“He means the girls’ and his horoscopes match perfectly.”, I explained.

This time he said another ‘Aaah’. If the previous ‘Aaah’s were anything to go by, this one would have been the mother of them all.

“So that’s how it works here.”, he said after I concluded. His countenance showed some relief as the air of mystery was cleared somewhat.

“You must find all this a bit strange.”, I said.

“Oh not at all! Each country has its own traditions.”, the client covered up, being a thorough gentleman.

“So how’s it down under?”, I asked, wanting to change the topic.

“Well down under it’s a bit different.”, he replied. “Kids usually become independent in their teens and start looking out for jobs to self-finance their education and their careers. They move out and become independent. They eventually find their soul mates on their own and settle down in life.”

It was my turn to say ‘Aaah’.

We did not discuss much on this topic for the rest of our meal, much to my relief. Our visitor probably felt that he had ventured too much into unknown territory. Whatever the reason, this conversation left a deep impact on my mind.